The Existence of a Ghost
Have you ever fancied the word ‘ghost’? That sort of non-existent thing. Have you ever? Well, I have. I always found this ‘ghost’ phenomenon amusing. Amusing in the sense that they might be actually present out there doing their chores and still be termed as non-existent in the views of people. I’ve always had a knack for being a ghost-type blurry figure, unknown to the outside world.
The thing is I love studying human behavior, normally people tend to experience human behavior, and I on the other hand study it. Studying human behavior by staying amidst of crowd but not as a known persona but as an unknown identity, just like a ghost. I’m not dwelling on being lonesome, locked up in solitariness; my prime focus is on being non-existent and there’s quite a literal difference between being lonely and being non-existent.
I’ve spent countless evenings being out there in suburbs, in between crowds n gatherings of people. Generally, Patan Durbar Square has served me a great palate of human behavioral enigma waiting to be latched upon. It’s often been my crime scene where I constantly camp out to learn about how humans’ behave. How do they react? How do they handle emotions? And I’ve succeeded a lot in it. I’ve learned a lot through such sessions of mine.
I’ve seen hundreds of people with each distinctive identities which would result in distinctive feelings and emotions. I have seen the joyous people around, I’ve seen the sad and gloomy faces, and I’ve seen generous ones, some witty, humorous ones, and some just plain ones. To be fair, I ain’t all alone in my quest of studying human behavior, a cup of machine-brewed coffee always lends me company.
As the evening dusk sets in, I see people around me pick up some frantic pace, hurrying back home from their daily involvements to be among their loved ones. I’ve seen people flock away as fast as a jack rabbit in front of a prairie fire, just as some spurts of darkness kick in the sky. Slowly the crowd gets dithered, people are seen making their way to their homes; and lo and behold just in a space of few minutes such a crowded arena is being transformed into a deserted barren land whilst there I am, still sitting by. Only this time no cup of machine-brewed coffee to keep me company as all the shops have been closed.
Just as I’m left all by myself, I end up analyzing what I’ve learned that day. I saw people feel, and react. I saw them behave. I saw the faces in the crowd being involved. I saw a few out there proactively buzzing around. I then profoundly compare it to me. Do I ever feel? Do I ever react? Do I ever behave? Do I ever get involved in the crowd? Why is it that I don’t show traits of human behavior in me? Am I questioning my own existence there n then? Am I not a human? Am I a non-existent ghost? A look in the mirror might give me an answer.
